


Like They Do On The Discovery Channel

by lemonsorbae



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Light Bondage, M/M, Valentine's Day, spn verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-15
Updated: 2013-02-15
Packaged: 2017-11-29 08:25:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/684869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonsorbae/pseuds/lemonsorbae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which cas feels the need to watch more Discovery channel and Dean is worried about profound bondage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like They Do On The Discovery Channel

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is horribly written. I also know it's incredibly corny and somewhat lame. I also don't care. It's V Day, bitches!

Dean should have known the words “No, Sam, we’re not celebrating Valentine’s Day” would translate to, “Yes, Sam, please be obnoxiously festive.”   
When he awoke on Valentine’s day, the sun filtering in through the faded curtains, Etta James playing loud on Sam’s dinky computer speakers and Sam decked in a gray shirt that had two candy hearts on it with the words  _love_  and  _brains_  written on the hearts, Dean scowled.

“You look ridiculous.” Dean grumbled as he rolled over and put his pillow over his head. 

“Good morning, Sunshine!” Sam chimed over the music. “Happy Valentine’s day! Are you and your angel boyfriend doing something special this evening or should I order us a heart shaped pizza and rent  _The Notebook_?”

 

“Go away, Sammy,” Came the muffled growl. Sam chuckled but left Dean alone in exchange for finishing his breakfast.

Just as Dean was drifting back to sleep, a knock sounded on the door. He heard the squeak of the hinges as Sam opened the door and then Sam’s laughter filled the room.

“Um, Dean, I think this is for you.” 

“Huh?” Dean leaned up on his elbow and blinked at Sam who was holding a big fuzzy teddy bear. When Dean said nothing, Sam looked at the card tied to the bear’s wrist. 

“Yeah, definitely for you unless suddenly I’m the Righteous Man.” he stated. Dean sat up, alert now, snatching the bear out of Sam’s hands. He glanced at the card that read  _Be Mine, Righteous Man_ on it. Tucked between the bear’s legs was a red cellophane bag which Dean wasted no time ripping into. When he pulled out a very shiny, very tiny, black Speedo with red hearts all over it, his eyes went wide and an immediate blush crept up his neck and colored his cheeks.

Sam burst into laughter. “Cas isn’t messing around!” he guffawed. Dean threw the bear at Sam and stormed off into the bathroom to take a shower. Sam hoped it was a cold one.

***

Castiel’s cell buzzed in the pocket of his overcoat. When he opened the message it contained nothing but coordinates. Since it was from Dean’s number, Castiel assumed he was in need of assistance so he took off immediately.   
The coordinates led Cas to a park bench where a bouquet of chrysanthemums were tied neatly with a bow and resting on the bench. Cas looked around before picking up the bouquet. A tag dangled from the stems with his name on it so he flipped it over and read the words;  _You and me baby aint nothin’ but mammals so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery channel. -Your Righteous_   _Man_

Cas furrowed his brow. It seemed he needed to watch more Discovery channel.

***

As Dean plowed through a bacon and egg sandwich, his phone began playing  _Wind Beneath my Wings_ at deafening levels. “Sammy, you fucker.” Dean muttered to himself knowing full well Sam had changed Cas’s ringtone thinking he was clever. Dean’s eyes scanned over Cas’s message and he nearly choked on his sandwich as he did so;  _Sam told me it is customary for humans to copulate on this day of love. I’d like to participate in this tradition._ Dean looked around, paranoid that Sam was hiding somewhere, watching him, laughing.

Things were still new between he and Cas. Dean had never been with a guy before and while things were good, really, really good, they were ‘taking things slow’ for lack of better words. Aka, no sex. Not yet anyway. Today it seemed Cas had other things on his mind though. Things that Sam, no doubt, was putting into the angel’s head.

***

When Cas got another text with more coordinates, he was quite interested to see what else Dean was leading him to. When he found himself in a pawn shop, the girl behind the counter eyeing him wearily, he looked around, confused. There was no obvious gift here.

“You Castiel?” The girl asked. He nodded and watched as she placed a red bag with pink tissue paper on the counter. “This is for you.” 

Castiel took the bag. “Thank you.” he said before leaving the store. Outside, Castiel pulled the card out of the bag and read over it. More coordiantes, a time and the message, W _ear these tonight. I’ll be dressed to match_ were penned on the card _._  Cas peered inside the bag and pulled out a pair of white angel feathers, a golden halo and pair of women’s black, lacy underwear.

Confused, Cas tried to recall a time he saw any such thing on the Discovery channel.

***

By lunch time Dean had received a bag that had a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs and a tag that read, _Profound bondage will begin at precisely 8pm tonight. Don’t keep me waiting._ A set of coordinates was listed below. Dean was beginning to wonder if he needed to monitor more closely what his boyfriend was watching on T.V. He was also starting to worry he wasn’t going to be able to live up to whatever kind of expectations the angel had for him for the night.

*** 

8pm rolled around and Dean found himself checking into the honeymoon suite of a Days Inn which was incredibly fancy compared to the motels he and Sam usually frequented. He’d been assured the room had already been paid for and was given a key and a knowing wink from the girl at the front desk. 

When Dean entered the room and saw countless rose petals scattered about and candles strategically placed throughout the room, he hesitated. “Cas?” he called out. 

“Mmph!” came the muffled reply. Dean walked further into the room and stopped dead in his tracks when he found Castiel, angel of the Lord, in black, lacy underwear, fluffy white angel wings and a golden halo that sat crooked on his head tied to the headboard with his own blue tie. He was also gagged and suddenly the muffled response Dean had heard just seconds ago made sense.

“The hell?” Dean asked approaching Castiel. He pulled the gag out of the angels mouth. “Cas what are you doing?” he asked.

“Sam.” Castiel grumbled in response. 

“What do you mean ‘Sam’?”

Castiel glared up at the ceiling and Dean followed his gaze. Painted onto the ceiling was a sigil Dean didn’t recognize. “What’s that?” he asked.

“It’s a sigil that weakens my abilities. Sam put it there, coerced me here under false pretenses and left me here presumably for you to find.” 

“So, you haven’t been sending me kinky messages all day?” Dean asked, sitting down beside Cas, trying to not to be too invested in Cas’s mostly naked form. Things were beginning to make sense.

Castiel shook his head. “And I assume the gifts I received were not really from you.” 

“Sorry, babe.” Dean confirmed. “I’m kind of a shitty boyfriend when it comes to that kind of thing.”

“Do not compare yourself to fecal matter, Dean. This is not your fault. It appears we’ve been had.” Castiel huffed, squirming to find a more comfortable position. His arms were beginning to ache. Dean looked at him and then laughed loud and deep. “This isn’t funny, Dean.” Cas grumbled.

“Would you hate me if I said I’m kinda turned on right now?” Dean asked as he leaned over to straighten Cas’s halo. He leaned in and hoovered his lips over the angel’s. “You do look kinda hot.” he admitted, his breath ghosting across Cas’s lips.

“I look ridiculous.” Castiel stated, “Even I know that. Now please untie me.” 

Dean looked at Cas’s hands, bound above his head and then back down at Cas. He moved to straddle Cas’s hips and leaned over him, nipping at his bottom lip, then his jaw, then his neck. “You know,” he said  as he began scattering kisses on Cas’s shoulders and along his collar bone, “I don’t think I will.” 

Dean’s lips met Cas’s and he begrudgingly kissed back growling, “this is  _definitely_  not on the Discovery channel.” 

end

**Author's Note:**

> Part Two for this can be found [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/693425?view_adult=true). Written for [my tumblr](http://angelwingsandthings.tumblr.com/) followers by my lovely beta-face, [literaryoblivion](http://literaryoblivion.tumblr.com/).


End file.
